With the move to Roanoke, we have been forced to make a switch with several of Katie's doctors. Her pediatrician in Richmond was a god sent! I was reluctant to switch and contemplated staying with Dr. Christian for Katie's annual check-ups and just going to an urgent care facility for sick appointments. But, the more I considered that option it just didn't seem to be the right move. We really do need to establish a relationship with a pediatrician here.
In addition to the pediatrician change, we also made a switch on her cardiologist. Or at least decided to test drive a new cardiologist. The cardiology appointment - which was scheduled about 3 to 4 weeks ago - was early in the morning. We get to the office and Katie is doing great despite her reluctance to leave the house (or the car) and walk inside the building....she does NOT enjoy the doctor's office.
She is evaluated first by a medical student. Although he knew exactly what type of defect Katie has - he couldn't hear the murmur. I didn't get my hopes up immediately. Mostly because I thought, this guy is a student which is likely why he cannot hear anything. (No offense Matt!) Finally the lead physician for the practice comes in and after some discussion she also listens to Katie's heart. Once again, she cannot hear the murmur. (Now, I've totally got my hopes up!) Finally, she shifts Katie's position and can very sutly hear the deviation. Still, I'm thinking okay there must be some improvement, some healing, some closure to the hole. So, in we go for the ultrasound - and I'm a sweaty, nervous, anxious mess.
Turns out, I got my hopes up for no reason. Absolutely no improvement. In fact, some area for concern. Katie will definitely need surgery. Timing of the operation will most likely be a little more than 1 year from now, possibly 18 months.
I could not bring myself to blog about this for several weeks. Partially because I wasn't sure what/how to write about it. Our blog is filled with the joys, celebrations, often bragging (which I fully admit), and all around excitment and fun we have with our daughter. But, along with all the good things in life, there is disappointment.
I know I should keep a positive attitude and recognize how fortunate we've been. BUT -- who wants to put their daughter through surgery?? I know what is in front of us and I'm DREADING it. Katie's first major surgery was at 7 weeks of age. It will be worse this time. She is old enough to know fear, to understand that she will be put to sleep, to know that mommy and daddy can't be in the room with her, and to know that she will hurt for some time after the surgery. She will ask me "why" as she always does. Why does she have to have the surgery? Why is her heart broken? And I won't have good answers. Matt and I will have to hand her over to surgeons again. Then we will wait, and pray, and worry until they call us to tell us the results of her surgery. DREAD - pure DREAD!
The silver lining is that we have good surgical options. Assuming the hole doesn't move, or worsen severely, then surgeons should be able to conduct the surgery laproscopically (meaning no open heart)! I just have to keep reminding myself that after this surgery, Katie's heart issue will be resolved. We won't have to worry any longer (at least not about this). She will finally be healthy!
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